Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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