I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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