Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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