my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
