I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
