Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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