Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
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so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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