You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
