my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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