Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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