Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
