I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
