Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
