if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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