all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone came in the potted fern
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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