I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
