Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize