i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
