If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize