Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
