Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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