you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
