There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
