Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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