some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
