there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
