I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
