I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
