she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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