you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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