I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
