You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
