So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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