It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
