hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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