I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
