Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
