sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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