I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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