I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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