Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
