We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
