I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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