What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
