I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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