I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
