he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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