Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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