I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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