there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
