never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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