i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
