That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
