She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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