I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
