Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
