yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
