I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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