I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need a beard to bite.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
