You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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