It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
