Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
