Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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