My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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