i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
