I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
