That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
