for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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