shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
