I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
