My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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