she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The Olympian is in my bed
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
