I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
