I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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