he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
