McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
